Of late a lot of things have been occupying my small mind all the time. Things have not been going my way, and it’s struck me with some ideas or urgent requirements in changing my own self for the better. The questions and thoughts which have been haunting me since quite a few days are much more than thoughts actually.
Am I a good person? Am I worth the education that my parents have provided me leaving no stone unturned? Can I be trusted by people close to me? Haven’t I provided all my efforts (most of the time) to win their trust, and then lost it when I should have retained it? Don’t I blame it on them, when I say that they aren’t my good friends (even though, deep at heart, I always know that I am equally or more selfish and superficial to them as they are to me!)
Do I have that strength to fight the odd coming my way, to fight the bad? Or just that sort of a guy, who isn’t bold enough to be bad and wrong, and neither courageous to fight the wrong, but play safe, like ‘clever’ cowards do? Am I into a trivial career-course? Is the field of Computer Science really as vast and endless as it seems, or is it as easy all throughout as it is now? Can I get into a good college for my Master’s? Will this line of profession interest me for the rest 35 years or so? Won’t my first twenty years of life be wasted if the answer to the last question is ‘No’?
Is there anything that interests me permanently? Things seem to capture my attention and impress me pretty easily. But do I continue to give that same amount of attention when that thing is no longer new to me? What is the main reason behind it, which in turn leads to my failure, in most circumstances? Perhaps the main reason is indolence, sluggishness, which is leading to incompetence! Can I ever do away with my laziness?
Is it good to be spiritual, to believe in God? I don’t love to attend parties and social gatherings. Does that make me unsocial, as my friends say? Don’t I need to give a lot more time to my near ones, my parents and my love? Are they happy and satisfied with me? I must admit that I am not happy with them all the time, though I know well that I must be the one for them, as I want them to be for me.
5 comments:
Some important reflections...yes...some important introspections. What interests me is what prompted you to suddenly try to look back and look within all of a sudden. Or was it a continuous process? You have made some serious confessions that verge on the edge of untruth throughout....[like 'ordinary','laziness','incompetence']...Waiting for your next post...[:)]...
Retrospection. Hmm. I hope some later post will contain the answers to the questions too. It was good, even I haven't answered a few of them to myself, about myself. But, there's a wall between what you are, and what you want to be, and what you try to be. Like, you might be selfish. Being selfish is a necessity to be a human being, I guess. But, do you want to be selfish? Do you try your best not to be selfsh? I think, what you want and what you try to be, count too, when you're evaluating what you actually are.
@ Saurav: "verge on the edge of untruth throughout"...I couldn't relate the line with my post. Help me, by working it out a tad more lucidly! And to your question, "Or was it a continuous process?" , I must admit that all the things never came to me at the same time, except when I was writing. But these small and big questions had been troubling me since a long time, yes. Actually I've already written about that in the first paragraph of the post. Thanks for commenting.
@ Twisha: I also hope that some day I shall be able to provide the answers to my soul on those questions. And Yes, I agree that being selfish to a certain degree is not only good but important for all. I was just trying to say that even the meaning of the word 'selfish' can be bettered by us like when Mother Teresa was asked what inspired her to donate her life to charity, smiling, she had said, 'I find Jesus in the poor and I try to attain him, and thus I help them.' I want my best to be selfish in the way I want to be, not in the way I hate to be, but at times I end up being the later, though subconsciously, and that was lamented. Thanks for commenting.
Good evening Rochishnu, well i am too small in front of you and the other followers to comment on your writings and your blog.Since you asked me cite my views,i am trying it now.Please forgive me for my poor English,i will try to improve
You are a great thinker and your self-introspection in your own blog is just mind blowing and quite interesting. You have made me think of myself and my past life.Well first let me answer myself , your questions are really scratching.Waiting for your next post.
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