Of late a lot of things have been occupying my small mind all the time. Things have not been going my way, and it’s struck me with some ideas or urgent requirements in changing my own self for the better. The questions and thoughts which have been haunting me since quite a few days are much more than thoughts actually.
Am I a good person? Am I worth the education that my parents have provided me leaving no stone unturned? Can I be trusted by people close to me? Haven’t I provided all my efforts (most of the time) to win their trust, and then lost it when I should have retained it? Don’t I blame it on them, when I say that they aren’t my good friends (even though, deep at heart, I always know that I am equally or more selfish and superficial to them as they are to me!)
Do I have that strength to fight the odd coming my way, to fight the bad? Or just that sort of a guy, who isn’t bold enough to be bad and wrong, and neither courageous to fight the wrong, but play safe, like ‘clever’ cowards do? Am I into a trivial career-course? Is the field of Computer Science really as vast and endless as it seems, or is it as easy all throughout as it is now? Can I get into a good college for my Master’s? Will this line of profession interest me for the rest 35 years or so? Won’t my first twenty years of life be wasted if the answer to the last question is ‘No’?
Is there anything that interests me permanently? Things seem to capture my attention and impress me pretty easily. But do I continue to give that same amount of attention when that thing is no longer new to me? What is the main reason behind it, which in turn leads to my failure, in most circumstances? Perhaps the main reason is indolence, sluggishness, which is leading to incompetence! Can I ever do away with my laziness?
Is it good to be spiritual, to believe in God? I don’t love to attend parties and social gatherings. Does that make me unsocial, as my friends say? Don’t I need to give a lot more time to my near ones, my parents and my love? Are they happy and satisfied with me? I must admit that I am not happy with them all the time, though I know well that I must be the one for them, as I want them to be for me.
